Dear Stephen,


An excellent attitude to take. Anyone going pro online these days agonises over whether their money bankroll will see them through the bad times but people forget the importance of spiritual bankroll which can get exhausted mush faster. Here’s what will happen to you.


Health: You will get a hunchback. You will acquire sallow skin, a pot belly and possibly breasts.


Happiness: Your happiness will become determined by how much you made in the last session – not the EV you had but the amount made. Expect to spend at least a third of your time unhappy, increasing to around 45% as you move up the stakes.


Sanity: You will become ignorant of current world affairs such as the entrants on X Factor and your friends will thus deem you insane or depressed.


Apart from the breasts, none of these things are really a problem. I could tell you to remember it’s just a job, keep an outside hobby, log off after eight hours play, eat your five a day and make love to your girlfriend once in a while, but I don’t thing any of those are really likely to happen in the first flush of online ambition – especially the last one, what with your girlfriend becoming insecure about her relative bust size. You will become a somewhat unsightly and irritable mad person, and thus forewarned it will not concern you. There are thousands more like you out there. It won’t last forever and you will remember it with great happiness.


Tom